Sunday, March 29, 2009

Fall Get Up

After three days of wandering far from the safety of the wagon, I woke this morning with a yearning for redemption as I have never known. Upon this breakfast you see here- all awash in the morning sunlight like god's own finger pointing the way out of the darkness, I cleaved to the bike, the forest, the candy corn and all that has served me true this last twelve months.

I know where sin lives and the manner in which it insinuates you into its company. Sin sends emissaries to soften your will. Body blows of clever art girls and Belgian beers with names like Old Railroad Spike and The Last Hoo-rah. One minute you are stopping in to pass along a message then the next thing you know you are gesticulating with a cigarette in your hand patiently explaining (to a cat on the sidewalk) exactly when Post-modernism began (which is of course, the first moment you consider the phrase-right?)

The late night set welcomes you back like you never left, even though every one of them are strangers. Like a long-running Broadway show, the characters never change, just the actors.

But the bar is not the only show in town and the cast of the morning ride in the forest were as hale a bunch of veterans as I have ever followed down the trail.

So either way, the show must go on.


Thursday, March 26, 2009

Shut Down

My house has been busy like a monkeyhouse on fire.

It looks like tornado weather is on the way and the timing couldn't be more perfect. I can roll up the drawbridge and flood the moat. Let the snakes rise.

I hosted a tourist lap at Munson yesterday and I was grateful just to be on home soil, even as I kept one timorous eye on my friend and colleague wheezing and swooning behind me. This is the same fellow who dropped and flopped like a giant catfish on the beach in the lobby of a West Virginia hotel the last time we rode. He sustained consciousness this time, but just barely. He's more of a basketball guy.

I hope this storm soaks the forest to the point of Zamboni-smoothness tonight.


Monday, March 23, 2009

Pouring Slab

In between chores and some mildly social outings I rolled about 40 solo miles of trail this weekend. Not too bad I think, and for motivating solo I think I get credit for time and a half so let's just call it 60. The only spectacular aspect of the miles was the indefatigable perfect weather, which will be well fatigable by mid-May if not sooner.

Spring frenzy had the trails clear, as folks were preoccupied with babies, basketball, and out of town bike races. The trails were deserted, as if I was the Omega man himself, Will (Ah Hell naw!) Smith.

I have some Spring frenzy to deal with myself this week, so don't look for me out there until Thursday. By then, all of my foundation miles will have set up and I can begin building a monument to power on top of it, with a speed solarium, and a widow's walk of big ring cadence.


Sunday, March 22, 2009

In the lab...

10 cc's of care, a splash of don't care- I'll have something cooked up here by morning.


Wednesday, March 18, 2009


The trick is to beat the body down repeatedly, functioning more on will than ability. Riding with that feeling like your legs are being crushed beneath a Custom Van and the tendons in your neck are full of rock salt. Work like that, go shopping at the grocery store like that, swing a golf club like that- just keep beating yourself down and functioning.

When the body goes into System Restore and methodically shuts down components, reorganizing the memory, you are edging towards regeneration. The complex plot of Law and Order becomes too difficult to follow, the kitchen upstairs so far away, the La-z-Boy wraps you in its pleathery embrace and sleep takes you down.

10 hours later, the internal pilot light trips the furnace and you can begin shoveling hot coal in there, building pressure for the next big ride. New muscle cells, uncomfortable next to their musty old neighbors, nervously play with the safety switch inside their jacket-ready to bust rounds all over the trail.


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Skip Day

I am fried, inside and out. Time to play some hooky.

Ever since Cupcake wrenched his neck he has been off the bike on doctor's orders. This means our only common activity has been eating oysters and drinking beer- and I quit drinking beer (more or less, pretty much, for the most part, you know how it goes sometimes)so today is going to be Cupcake's day.

He and his woman are having a baby sometime in the next few months and I will never see him again after that- or if I do he will only be a hollowed out husk of his former self, so I have only today to aggravate him and remind him of all the so-so years of friendship we have accumulated.

Golf or hiking? He hates walking so I will probably go with the hike.


Sunday, March 15, 2009


Don't ask me if I want to ride tomorrow, I might say yes, and after 5 days of good riding King and Kong are knackered. Fried. Torched. Crispy.

Today was all epilogue in the forest with Dogboy- the real story having been told yesterday on the Pedrick Greenway when Pain Cave Tommy and I re-enacted our San Felasco duel and a Saturday roll ruptured into a mini-epic. I say "mini" because I was barely winded at the end of the day. He stole an easy lead on the Democrat hill before we parted ways. I am known to all as a generous man.


Friday, March 13, 2009

Big Moe

Not Big Moe your favorite doorman at the Copa, but big momentum.

I ride the forest often, and of those rides nearly 100% of them begin from the parking lot at 0 mph (0 kph for you Euros)and steadily climb to a pace that threatens to bend both time and space- something like 12.5 mph/20.12 kph.

Yesterday, compelled by a collection of inconsequential stressors I shot down the paved St. Marks Trail-intent on riding to the coast, into the water, and down to a deep, brackish sleep to bring to an end all concern for events both virtual and otherwise real. As I approached the turn-off for the Munson trailhead I chose life and tacked into the woods at something like 20mph (32.19 kph) with serendipitously correct tire pressure and a huge head of steam. I banked south onto the East Connector and didn't slow down until I was somewhere past the Gun Range- miles down the trail.

The surfing naysayers curl their lip at the thought of being towed into a wave. They nay say that it lacks soul. I understand the Siren song though, because sometimes soul lacks speed.

I'm in the market for a four-wheeler.


Thursday, March 12, 2009

Paging Dr. Munson

The days go by at the speed of stress.

When the body stops the mind goes. When the body goes the mind stops.

Dr. Munson will see you now.


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

All Leads Must Be Checked

For a sparkling couple of years in the mid-nineties I joined a band of subterranean pilgrims exploring the caves of Southeastern Montana and surrounding environs. The title of this post was our cave team motto. The general principle was that if a human body could squeeze into a seam in the ground then somebody (usually indie-mood rocker Herman Jolly) was obligated to press as far into the crack as possible and push the sum total of explored passage- even if only another few yards. With grim and stern rebuke, Cave Leader Landon would block our exit and shake his head solemnly from side to side explaining to nervous pilgrims, "you know the rules- all leads must be checked."

Now, I am not not known for being the fastest bull in the woods, or the big airiest waterbug on the trail. I haven't ridden the To Hell and Back 90 miles of pain. I don't participate in the Southern Series Points Races. I don't ride cyclocross. I'm not much for road racing either. In fact, in cycling my singular claim to fame other than this blog is this simple observation; I have ridden more trails than many of you.

That's right, I said it. I don't bushwack across the forest, or establish new urban jump lines. I tend to ride on the established and known mountain biking trails of the southeastearn United States. Boring, I know.

Due to my work I end up spending much time behind the wheel of a rental vehicle (preferably a minivan)at large in the Deep South. I find gems like the Butts Park trail outside of Jackson, MS. I ride dead-end out and backs mentioned on from 1997. The old K-mart trail in West Palm. Balm Boyette near Tampa. I am patron saint of misfit trails. Even when they suck, and they usually do, I get a thrill from knowing my tread has creased the earth in these forgotten corners.

Of course, I also hit the Varsity venues like Tsali, Oak Mountain, Dauset, and Santos with annual regularity.

I say this to illustrate that enough is enough. I have known of this for far too long to have not been there.

All leads must be checked.


Monday, March 09, 2009


What do cycling and rock/roll have in common?

You have to suffer if you want to be good.


Thursday, March 05, 2009

BRC Captionista # 2

I pinched this image from one of my favorite spots on the web, The West Virginia Surf Report I am sure you all know what to do from here. Please bring your best game and give us your caption ideas in the comments section.

Meanwhile the Round-up! won't be that lengthy after all. Here is what I know and care about, at least a tiny little bit.

At the 621 Gallery at Railroad Square: Glitter Chariot. My friend Chuck will be hanging by a thread in the main gallery and I tied the knots so he may totally fall down. By writing this I have probably made myself massively liable. That is just one reason Art is so awesome. It is risky.

Glitter Chariot will be performing “All That Heaven Will Allow”, featuring Ryan Berg, Chuck Carbia, Kelly Boehmer, Danielle Shockley, and Lexi Braun. This new performance brings sweet and tragic melodrama together with fantastic characters and sentimental song, completing a fiercely tender yet gruesome and unfortunate story of love. This retelling of the story of Ernie and Bert is thrust into a lovers’ triangle where the love of romance isn’t destroyed; the love of friendship is. Friends in need of each other are faced with the need to continue in the wake of brutal death. Memories of a past imagined (Germany, Kirshner’s Rock Concert, Sesame Street) run rampant, and the tenuousness of their bond is destroyed

Also, I have negligently postponed announcing that Todd Simmler is wrapping things up from his mountain bike guide gig in Baja and has put the call out for a Tally to Moab trip in April. I don't know about you, but my only hope to make that is if this Recession gets a lot worse real fast, and hey, if it happens so be it. I will drive the Ford Exploder to the desert. If anyone wants to reach for the prana and have an incredible time riding Porcupine Rim and Slickrock send me a message at and I can help you connect with Todd. You can't find a better partner for this sort of thing.
He's aces.

Jill is a blogger some of you cyclists may read. She fell in a lake and got a touch of the frostbite. It's been a compelling read the last couple of days, especially because her followers are hardcore Jillites. Following her recovery narrative is bound to be good, and it doesn't take much to beat this here narrative you are reading right now.

I saw Dr. Munson for lunch today and it was a beautiful checkup. What a bluebird day. It looks like the Forest Service is fixing to burn out there. Thanks to Ken and our friends at Fat of The Land for all the raking and prep work, and for laying down a fresh bed of brown ice.

-and I don't give a rip if that's not the name anymore. Phhffft!


BRC Caption Contest # 1

I'm really busy so I thought I would ask you all to write this post for me today. Got a caption that goes with this picture? Let's hear it in the comment section.

-Big Roundup tomorrow, if you have news or events to include in the weekend update send it to


Tuesday, March 03, 2009

From the JV playbook

This is a post about how it was cold and then it got warm, and then it got cold again. Posts like this tend to make some yearning for Spring oriented statement by the second or third sentence of the first paragraph. In a pre-emptive block, the post would then acknowledge that there are many places which remain much colder than 34 degrees (expecting a high of 58 and sunny) but that this is cold to us, who live in Tallahassee, and therefore the relative cold experience is no different than it is for those of you wearing puffy jacketsand worrying about frostbite.



Sunday, March 01, 2009

Can you believe I missed the RedBug Challenge race? I can. If you are surprised by this allow me to refer you to my 25 year cycling history and we can count the number of mountain bike races previously entered.

Number of mountain bike races entered: 0 (nil)
Number of mountain bike races expected to enter in 2009: 0 (nil again)

I did intend to show up and make a donation to the affiliated charity, so if someone could kindly direct me to the proper site, or contact person, that would be great. It was diapers right?

I blame Dogboy. A couple of friendly rides with him this week and my legs feel as twisted as Whoopi Goldberg's dredlocks. I have a knot in my left quad that feels like a can of chili. It has been great to see the dogboy in the woods, but something must be done about the speed differential and I think I solved that tonight. I'm hooking him up with the '05 Dakar. Heh! That ought to bring him down a notch. Let him try to swing that tank around the Cadillac trail, then we will see who is fast.