Sunday, October 16, 2005

Performance Enhancing Drugs

Biscuits and gravy sits atop the heap, above all other breakfast foods. When the weather begins to chill, and the rides grow in length, biscuits and sausage gravy is the best way to start the day. In fact, during the summer, I'm at a loss many mornings as to what to eat before a big ride. Lesser foods like cereal, yoghurt, bagels, whoop-e-di-doo! They just don't get the job done like a bowl of buttermilk biscuits drowning in a spicy milk gravy. I've met a few folks who would try to explain why this is actually not the way you want to eat before a long day of exercise, but these are also the people who consider cycling a "sport" and their body some kind of touchy machine, like an MG, or a space shuttle. Glycogen, lactic threshold, and other modern lies are no more relevant to the truth than phlogiston, or oat bran.

Endurance mountain biking has more in common with lumberjacking, or post hole digging, or riding the rough string down through the Pecos valley than it does with flyfishing, pilates, or any number of other more esoteric concerns. A full belly is what's needed, if you're going to survive the day. As for the naysayers, the blood pressure regulators, and the 1 to 4 protein to carbohydrate monitors, I don't want to hear it. It's biscuits. It's gravy. You know what it does and can do. Can you say the same for Red Bull? Power bars? Goo??? (Grown-ups should not eat baby food, it is unseemly, like watching a grown man suck his thumb.)

Now, in a longstanding BigRingCircus tradition, I'm going to ask a question for the majority of you to ignore, and the same loyal crew to dutifully answer because they will hear about it in person if they don't...What is your performance enhancing drug?

I'm battered and marked up from the LOC trail, which collected it's blood tax on me yesterday. We saw some familiar faces out there, which is uncommon. I never see anybody out there for the most part. The word must be getting around that it is smooth as Bill Clinton now, thanks to our hard work.

Random and unrelated, but telling quote: Sasquatch to his wife after returning from a ride' "I really am a road biker!" As if we didn't know all along. The bidding for his Gary Fisher 29'er will start at $1.00.

Juancho-Out until Thursday because I tour harder than the Rolling Stones.

17 comments:

hereNT said...

What is your performance enhancing drug?

Jameson.

hitops said...

Strange, I always found Jameson's hurts my performance (on the bike) but increases my satisfaction.

My performance enhancing substance: scrambled eggs, with grated cheese and sprinkled with wheat germ and ground flax seed, seasoned with Tony Cachere. Bananas for the potassium, 'cos I cramp. A hit of pickle brine, also for cramping, based on a suggestion brought back from a race by one of my ride buddies -- also, let's face it, because I like the taste.

I'm not averse to biscuits and "gravey" -- does the added "e" denote greater viscosity?

juancho said...

The "e" probably means the photo was taken north of the MD line.

herent-Keep that flask handy, I'll be thirst when we cross paths.

libbyllama said...

Not doing anything that truly requires a performance, I need no enhancers. Mine is a pure and lazy life.

juancho said...

Stop showing off.

sasquatch said...

I like pancakes.

And I've been misquoted. I'd give you the real quote but you swine are already choking on my pearls.

Great post, otherwise. Especially the part about endurance mountain biking having a lot in common with lumberjacking or post hole digging. That's a truth I can still recognize and appreciate, so there must be hope for me yet.

juancho said...

Think of all that redemption awaiting you at San Fiasco.

libbyllama said...

Oh, wait. I like cake. I forgot.

geezer said...

Hy thar folks,

i hav bin watchin this her grupe for sum tyme now. it reeds real funny sumtymes. i bin checkin round on this jauncho feller what rites this stuff. rumer is hiz ole man is sum kinda qaucky doctor what says that biskits 'n gravy ain't all that good fer ya. clogs yer arterys 'n stuff. course ther's nothin more aeroyobic thin trale ridin'on 2 wheeels.

thetruebabymaker said...

I'm with Libby. I like cake too, with a nice cup of coffee...mmmmmmm...breakfast of champions. You boys have your biscuits & gravy and your burly bike rides, and we'll enjoy the show.

Dr. Detroit said...

Can I be the only one who drinks coffee?

Sascha said...

I drink coffee for pure addictive pleasure. I don't need it to enhance my performance.

Magnum said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Magnum said...

Tried putting racing fuel in the ol' tractor once too, it wretched and bucked something fierce.
You have to stick to what works.

the old bag said...

Two pieces of toast. One with jelly, one with PB. Slap them together and slide a scrambled egg in between (bit 'o mozarella makes it even better). And make the coffee dark!

AucillaSinks said...

Hot fresh bagel sandwich with cream cheese and smoked salmon. 2 cups of French Roast. Large cup of OJ.
Fish burps are best.

juancho said...

Damn! Y'all did real good. And who are all these new folks stopping by? Who knows? I guess that's the point. I'm going to wind the crank on the grey matter and try to get a post up today. I'm taarred, and quite happy to be back in the hovel.