Friday, June 29, 2007

I went to bed so early and slept so deeply that I think I woke up far in the future. Am I wrong or is that a hovercraft jam outside this morning? Whatever happened to that war in Iraq? Is it over yet? Did Britney make a magnificent comeback? Please help me, I would like to rejoin your futurisitic society.

After I treat these bed sores I am going to be feeling like a hundred bucks, and that is the way you want to roll into a combined Friday/payday. Rested and Ready.

It should go without saying that I stand prepared to disappoint my fellow golfers, although as the champ I think it only fair that I take some control over who gets their title shot, and when.

Aside from that I will be riding one of my bicycles some respectable distance if for nothing other than to justify the existence of this lil' ole blog and all it stands for.

S'quatch dropped some big news on me the other night. He is planning a 3 day, 325 mile ride from his parents home in Palmetto to his own home in Tallahassee.

Notable issues:

He will be on a cruise the week prior to the event.
He has never ridden 100 miles in a day.
His bike will have to remain mechanically sound the entire time.
I'm not going to be there.

This is big folks, and he is going to need all of our help if he is to succeed. Let's open up the advice faucet and get the good news flowing, OK?

Now I have to go price a timeshare on the Moon.


Wednesday, June 27, 2007

El Verano del Toro

To hell with it- Juancho loves him some golf!

I declared this summer "El Verano del Toro" last month when for inexplicable reasons my golf game started sharpening up. Until my ridiculous reign of dominance comes to a close we are all just going to have to live with it around here.

Besides, it is cross training. Why don't you try carrying 40 lbs of deadly accuracy around in 95+ degrees for 4 and a half hours? Hmm? What was that tough guy? Burly girl? I can't hear you.

Confidence is confidence, plain and simple. The next time I strap on the Dakar I'm going to be so used to victory I will just ride away from y'all. It will most likely be this weekend too, so let's not get carried away. 21 years of avid cycling doesn't disappear overnight.

It's like Hitops and basketball. It's like S'quatch and fantasy novels. Everyone has a "second gig".

It's the off season anyway.

Dr. D- I could use your advice on my short game, I'll give you a call.


Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Nice day isn't it?

As long as we are all sitting here waiting for something to happen, we might as well pass the time pleasantly. How about some small talk?

It's a real shame about those fires in Tahoe isn't it? I sure wish we would get some rain. Got any plans for the 4th this year?

Or we could play remember when...

Remember when we took Shins down to campus and he jumped that stairwell and it made all those sparks and he broke his frame and that cleaning lady yelled "OH SHIT NAAAAAOOOO!"

Or the first trip to Santos?

Or the old White House days? It is a Subway now. I bet they don't know Jim Morrison used to live in that Subway.

Or we could get into some politics and get the comments section blowing up. How about that Ron Paul? He's a real contender.

We could go find something interesting at the neighbor's blogs, like

Then there are the twin pillars of poetic production, Fat Cyclist and Fat Lad. Fat Lad Rides Again reads like a Harlequin novel these days since me married his sweetheart and put on his kilt (or took it off more likely).

Haven't heard much from the CC Rider lately, or Dr. D and family. I hope they are all having a good summer too.

And who is it that logged on from Vietnam? Do they ride or did they come for the golf?

yes...well... Ok then...

I could get back in the saddle and put an end to all of this. Maybe the Wrecking Ball, ole Zipperneck is ready for a ride. He's on the mend so I wouldn't have to pack the heater.

Have a Nice Day,


Monday, June 25, 2007

This is a little awkward for both of us-

It is tough to come back after a week of radio silence and have nothing to report other than a series of ever-dropping golf scores. No bike rides. None. I could tell you about the wedge shot that rattled in the cup from 60 yards (it came out)but you don't come here to read about golf.

Golf is, for the record, a cruel master- just like the bike.

The 4th of July is upon us, and the corn is sure to be head high by then. The summer is slipping by me in a flurry of work trips, piles of laundry, and deadlines. "Excuse me, waiter,this is not what I ordered".

Send this one back to the kitchen please.


Monday, June 18, 2007

Good morning, how was your weekend?

Mine was fine thanks. My celebrity guest shift down at the bike shop was honest to goodness hard labor. It isn't the selling that's so hard, or the occasional wrenching project, it is being held captive to every kook who walks through the door.

And there is no shortage of odd characters down at Joe's.

I'm out of here for the week, and I don't know if North Georgia has the interwebs or not, so unless I can get S'quatch to pick up the slack, things may get pretty quiet around here.

We'll just have to wait and see-


Friday, June 15, 2007

Up the Pace

Like a superhero, my new regimen (or for you illiterates-regime) is changing my molecular metabolic constructorization. I only need about 3.5 hours of sleep now.

During my run yesterday I broke on through to the other side. Of the park. And I was still running. Pretty amazing stuff. Lurching through the park like a benchwarmer who got picked on and couldn't wait to get home and tell Mommy.

Stupid snails, us sloths can leave a snail in the dust!

Oysters too, we can leave an oyster in our rear view no problem!


Speaking of benchwarmers I got the nod from coach to step in for Shins down at Joe's Bike Shop tomorrow. If you don't want to buy a bike then don't come around because I am fierce on the sales floor I tell you-fierce.

"Well Ma'am it really depends on whether you are riding for recreation or a more purposeful fitness agenda".

"You're right that is a great color".

"He will grow into it sir, and we won't have to do this again for a while".

Oh yes, I have all the lines.

If you have not been following the Team Type I progress in the Race Across America, I really must insist, as your host- that you do. The comments section of their race blog is blowing up with inspirational positivity. It's like a Disney movie running for 5 straight days of diabetic ass-kicking- and our very own Bigworm is in the truck helping to make the magic happen. Stop by at

and check it out. It is the feel good story of the Summer except they aren't underdogs, they dominate.

While you are out there can you help me confront the following rhetorical travesties?

Improper use of "that is" as in "This chaos that is my life" or "This trainwreck that is my prom date". Grrrr!

Conversate: as in "I was hoping you and me could conversate about that job opportunity".

Piggy back: as in "I would like to piggy back on what Elvira said since I think the same thing Elvira done thought".

Really people, this is getting out of control. We need to think outside da box and find some way to stop the madness.


Burn the box and everything it stands for-


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Dispatch from the Field- A Story from Below

The water level was low and the sump passageway was reported to have several feet of air at the entrance. It was decided to see how far down the sump passage we could go.

I hung out with the FSU Cave Club for a few years in the mid-80’s but never became a true Caver. This trip intrigued me though and I hauled my mask and dive light all the way back in there. As Juancho says and the link below shows, there is much crawling in Climax to get to the main passages and rooms. Three hours into it and we were ready to go sumping. Mostly, the water was chest high and there was 2 – 4’ of air above that. There were several spots where the roof and the water briefly met but hold your breath and take two steps and the passageway air is there again.

At one point, I noticed a submerged 3’ rounded hole on the side wall indicating another passage. I stuck my dive light in and could see it opened up. “Hold on” I said, “I’m going to poke my head in here for a peek a loo”. So I handed my helmet to Larry and donned my mask and breathed deep and went under. I could immediately see the passage ballooned out into a room that was about as big as a large mini-mart. Of course the water was crystal clear and it was an awesome site. I swam out into the middle of the room and gawked with my mouth shut at the stalactites and stalagmites (don’t ask me which is which). Back in those days, I could hold my breath across the Apalachicola bridge and halfway back.

It was time to breathe again so I turned around to swim back but to my dismay all I could see was a 20’ x 20’ cloud of silt and my destination was a 3’ opening somewhere behind it. I realized then that if I died, I friggin deserved it and if I lived, it was going to be at least two semesters before I did anything that stupid again. With about 5 seconds of air left in my lungs I figured I had one shot so I swam toward the middle with my arms outstretched. About 8’ into the silt cloud my hand collided with Mr. Cerro’s outstretched hand and he yanked me through the hole and up to air.

I had lived to drink another beer but no more stupid cave snorkeling forays for me. No sir, it was going to be asinine mountaineering moves or a car wreck before I danced with the Devil!


Taking stock

A year ago, S'quatch and I rendevoused up in North Georgia for a little cycling fun and that weekend turned out to be marred by tragedy. A cyclist lost his life on a country road, killed by a car during a group ride.

On the way home, we had our own scary encounter on I-75 as S'quatch's pickup went out of control beneath the shadow of an eighteen-wheeler.

Forgive me this brief indulgence of pulpiteering.

Whether you are a careful, helmet-wearing law-abider or a shoot the intersection on drugs wild child, my wish is that all of us are faster, sharper, and more aware than the folks driving in our midst.

If you like to ride around at night, in your black shirt with your I-pod cranking, that's cool with me, but keep your sixth sense about you. Look out for your ride buddies and expect the unexpected.

Do it for the Doc's sake.

Runner, leave your mark...

I have a vivid memory of running "the 600" for Coach Butch Downing in Middle School. Out in front of me there were just a few guys and behind me there were lots and lots of guys. I remember the rhythmic breathing, like a horse, and my little 13 year-old arms a swinging. Out to the corner of the fence and back. "And back" was the best part because you got to see the tormented faces of everyone behind you still struggling to get to the turnaround.

In other words, I was a fast little kid.

Now- I run down the trail like a lumbering axe murderer. Fast little children, startled and fear-stricken, shoot up the trail ahead of me like panicky squirrels. My hoarse breathing wheezes out like an antique bellows as the toes of my feet drag the dirt, leaving a shuffling snail trail to mark my path. It is awesome.

I can't remember the last time I had such an excellent blank canvas of opportunity to make progress at something.


Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Take the Heat

Since global warming is all en vogue now, I have decided to get with the program and learn to love the heat. It started yesterday, when all of a sudden I decided to begin running. To be completely honest, it is more like hiking in a hurry. It was 5:00 P:M, and we were pegged out at a mild 95 degrees, and like a hypothermic who wonders into the delirious snow filled night, I felt irrestibly drawn to the shimmering waves.

It was moist. I was moist.

Moist, moist, moist I tell you, but not bad, kind of pleasant in a slippery way.

1.8 miles later it was over, and I had something to feel proud about. I parlayed my victory straight into a ride at the Arvida Nature Preservation Trail, aka "Munson Hills" with S'quatch and 'Tops.

So once again Newton is validated. A body in motion and all of that.

I'll be doing more of this runhiking at particular venues around town and country. If anyone is interested, you are more than welcome. We can go slouching together.

I would love to hear about your near death experience in Climax, Aucilla. Please feel free to elaborate. For those unfamiliar, Climax Cave is an extensive underground system just over the GA line. I know I spent 10 hours down there and didn't see it all. Much of that was face down in the mud too. Good times.

Other notables, FAT LAD and his lady Sarah tied the knot. Drop by and wish them well won't you...

And, Team Type 1 is underway in the RAAM, chock full of Tallahassee lokes. See the post below if you need that address. Homie don't link.

I sure do hope it hits 100 again today.


Monday, June 11, 2007

Choose Your Own Adventure

Aside from establishing the "Summer of the Bull" on the golf course yesterday I spent a good bit of time wandering between my own ears trying to conjure up some inspiration for adventure.

Cold Water Weekend was a good one, with unexpected sights and random turns on unknown roads; and so was our last epic ride, although it felt more like cold-blooded mercenaries executing an emotion-less plan of attack.

My summer is booked up as tight as my chamois, so an actual vacation is not likely to come around for a few months. I'm looking for the 2-3 day epics. Of course there is Tsali, Deep Creek, and other known quantities, but how about some variations?

Back in the day there were: All day spelunking trips in Climax Cave (and no, that is NOT code!) The ominous paddling trip into Tate's Hell Swamp- thanks again fellas, for finding the truck. Even the textbook Sopchoppy paddle/ bike route seems exotic. It's not that I want off the bike, but a workout less ordinary would be nice. It is just a thought, please feel free to share your ideas. As the W.B. says, "We're just spitballing here"!

a creaky little post to get the week started-


Friday, June 08, 2007

What will it be?

Pick your poison stranger.

Another moist summer weekend is here and after last week's successfully epic ride I'm wondering what kind of adventures are brewing out there?

I'm interested in a little paddling myself, and of course a ride or three, perhaps some cocktails on the lanai late in the afternoon?

Report in with your bright ideas please.

On other fronts

The Cobra Kai gang has raised $601 to date for Aucillasinks penitence fund. For those unaware I am referring to the recent dispute between the father of the Fern trail and a shitheel property management company that took offense at his continued trail development on their "easement" -a euphemism for "strip mall retention pond". I adhere more to the native american concept of land ownership. Land is eternal, and cannot be owned.

None of this changes the fact that our boy needs $3,000 to keep the dogs of justice off his back and the folks who darken Joe's door down at Lake Ella are not making it happen. Why oh why must we continually be humiliated by those Cobra Kai thugs at Higher Ground? Time and time again, they sweep the leg.

Sell some plasma, steal the kid's piggy bank, turn a trick for all I care, but go to Joe's and hand over some loot please, Aucilla would do it for you. Come on, restore my hope in cyclemanity.

And yet other fronts

Apparently S'quatch got pulled by the law the other night while riding his road bike through a bad part of town in the dark with headphones on, after a couple of beers so "just another ride" for him.

By the gleam of the dancing blues, the officer opened up his trunk to display a collection of red blinkies and other cycling equipment and proceeded to hook S'quatch up like a fake Rolex salesman in Times Square.

Yes, my eyebrow is raised too, actually.

In an attempt to impress or intimidate the officer S'quatch mentioned he "knew people at the Big Ring Circus".

I would like to set the record straight for the officer- I may have done a favor for that guy a time or two, but he ain't a made man in my organization, so do what you need to do next time and get that bum off the streets.


Thursday, June 07, 2007


I found this little nugget in the INBOX today from Bigworm, who is crewing for the TEAM TYPE 1 gang in the Race Across America. Yes, all the way across the country. Yes, they all have type 1 diabetes. What, you don't know what that means? Well, click the link then!

More later- J

Juancho, just wanted to shoot you these links. Paul Macmanus, Carl, Darien, and I fly out to CA on friday to crew for Team Type 1's second attempt to win the overall in RAAM. We missed it by just minutes in our rookie year, so it's ON this year! I talked to Cupcake, and he was interested in following along online, so if you could forward these links to anyone who may have interest, that would be cool. Team Type 1's site should have a daily blog, and RAAM's site will have time splits at all of the time checks along the way.
Anyway, I'll be back in a couple of weeks, and will be very anxious to actually ride, rather than just help others ride. See ya then.


Monday, June 04, 2007


No, I'm not guessing at Mystery's age, I'm thinking that we got between 45 -50 miles yesterday.

Six of us rode out promptly at 9:00 A:M and we hit the Fern trail on a dead run. Dead as in, "If I we keep up this pace I will die".

But we did, and I did not.

There was some blood and a couple of breakdowns, but not enough to stop us. Miraculously, we climbed the final hill behind the Democrat (our local paper) still in a row like tired burros.

It looks like we might save the summer form after all.

Nature paid us tribute by finally dumping some rain on this town after two very dry months. Nice of it to wait until we were all laid up on our various couches, rehydrating with our chosen beverages.

And now it is raining again, and I'm hitting the road.

Catch you in a couple days-


Friday, June 01, 2007


The call is out for a long morning ride tomorrow or Sunday. The proposed route is from town to the Miccosukee land co-op by way of the old familiars.

S'quatch is the one making all the noise about it.

If you are into that idea, please note your interest in Saturday vs. Sunday in the comments section below. All are welcome except the following:

People who will insist on maintaining a consistent pace.

Pretty much all of bike church (sorry guys, I love you but you're just to fast). If you really must attend, you have to carry a watermelon in a backpack out to the Co-op.

People who are likely to sing Kelly Clarkson tunes out loud (or Steely Dan).

People who at some point will lobby to cut the ride short.

Other than that, we would love to have you.

We will stop for breaks at the following points.

Joe's Bike Shop
Behind the Democrat
Behind the Armory
The Beginning of the Cadillac trail
The end of the Cadillac trail
The levy (I'm afraid to call it a dike)
Pedrick fields
Miccosukee Greenway parking lot
the next Miccosukee Greenway parking lot
The store on Crump Road.
The catwalks at the Co-op
A random convenience store on the way home

Other than that, we are going to be kicking some ass!

Tonight is First Friday, meaning that art abounds around town. I will be down at Railroad Square "getting my culture on" and enjoying the V-89 Summer Solstice party so if the ride is tomorrow, and I stay out late tonight, I am officially calling a "cultural".

That about covers it I think.