Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Deferred


I would have preferred the simplicity of a quick injection of human growth hormone but the excessive hair growth on my back and shoulders was interfering with my body's natural ability to cool itself. Instead, I carefully removed the I.V. needle from the 2 pints of blood I purchased from some kid who deals it from the back door of his part-time job at a TCBY. He said he can run a mile in under 4 minutes so I figured it had to be pretty good. Big Worm said he was coming to the Munson Monday ride and I wasn't taking any chances. I slapped a booster needle of EPO into my thigh and grabbed my gear when- BOOM! Lightning crackled throughout the neighborhood and the rain we have been waiting for came all at once. Nobody would be riding tonight, not on the artificial pitcher's mound Munson has become. The trail would be a sticky mess.

There was no way to retract the increase in hemoglobin that made every deep breath taste like sweet cheesecake. I had to burn off the energy somehow so I did what anyone would do in my situation and I walked it off inside Joanne's Fabrics. They didn't ask me to leave until they ran the final batch report and rolled up the yards of chenille and chintz. The manager, a teenager with chipped, black fingernails told me I didn't have to go home, but I couldn't stay there and suggested I take it down the sidewalk to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I told her she wasn't the boss of me and drove home in the rain. Eventually I slept, and dreamt of future glory.

Juancho

10 comments:

nicol said...

ha! Good one. :)

Glad you took some of the rain down there. We don't need anymore of it here in Nebraska for awhile.

lopo said...

I can't believe you wrote " chenille and chintz"! You will be tested on different fabric types when I get home!

Ms. Moon said...

This is why I love you, Juancho.

Juancho said...

Oh yeah, chenille, chintz, batik, velour, all that stuff.

Human Wrecking Ball said...

An instant classic.

Original R.A. said...

the folks that "fixed" Munson, they do know it rains here right?

Velosopher said...

Sweet!

Juancho said...

The U.S. Forest Service does not endorse cycling in the rain under any circumstances.

Herringbone said...

So good. I'll be wearing this smile for a while. Thanks!

The Old Bag said...

JoAnns is exhausting -- you blow a proper recovery day and you're toast for Dress Barn.