Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Tigers, coyotes, minks, wolves, and raccoons have all chewed off a limb to escape a trap. I know that feeling.

My decade of pajama-based livelihood has come to an end. Even that description is a euphemism as I have never worn pajamas in my adult life. Let's just call it what it was- 10 years of boxer shorts and conference calls, occasionally less. I am comfortable facilitating a meeting of Docker-clad office pogues dressed in a ratty towel and a head covered in shaving cream. I divorced my intellect from my appearance when I joined the cyber-commuting universe. Many days I would go from a towel directly to a chamois and cleats without ever wearing pants. After the ride I would return to the same said towel before dropping that for a sleeping bag and going to bed.

Not anymore. It has only been two days and I am at the end of my public wardrobe. I look at myself before leaving for the new office, and I see before me Juancho the deacon, or Juancho waiting for his court-appointed attorney.

I need to hear from the pantsed and khakied veterans. How do keep track of your one true self underneath the JCPenny's cover model look? I would take a jumpsuit, a smock over business casual. Do you wear a pink tie like Holden Caufield? A black guayabera like Al Sharpton?

I can't even talk about what this does to the ride schedule. Growing up is tough.



Buzz said...

Jauncho!! Write your freakin' novel dude! You of any I have encountered should not be wearing "business causual"!!!

But then again maybe...hmmmmm....perhaps you could be a mole for us little people..seeking information.....subterfuge??


I have no solution to your dilemma....Shorts and t's me whole working life..


Juancho said...

I tell myself I am living the novel as I write it Buzz. I have to tell myself something or Good God, there's no hope for me!

Magnum said...

Dress code only has one rule: you don't talk about dress code. But...

Go buy 4 navy blue slacks, 4 white oxfords, black belt, and a pack of undershirts- I go without socks(Italian style). Friday is Casual Friday, on which I choose to wear a suit- that really fucks with 'em.

AucillaSinks said...

I can wear my dark blue polyester pants six times and my khakis only twice before dropping them at Blue Ribbon. So keep that in mind.

Only go for name brand shirts. They last longer and look better. ROSS sucks because you never know what they will have in stock and it takes forever to checkout. ROSS is the place to go for name brand dress shirts. Go often until you score enough to have an ample supply and variety.

Take heart, we men are the lucky sex when it comes to biz casual. All we need are a few pants, a few more shirts, one brown belt and shoes, one black belt and shoes and we're in the club.

Once you get used to your new uni, you won't think about the kind of person you are now that you dress like a grownup. You know who you are. It is only when your job does not require you to conform to this norm that you speculate about how it must feel to compromise your true ethic and sell your soul like the other suits walking down Adams Street.

Congratulations by the way! I assume you made regional manager at Hardees?

hitops said...

As an office jock who occasionally has to show up in court, I can attest that business casual beats lawyer formal. Count your blessings.

Too bad for me they moved you upstairs. I really enjoyed those thickburgers you used to slip me off the books.

Juancho said...

Regional Manager! You all flatter me. I'm not qualified to carry that guy's hairnet.

lopo said...

Hawaiian shirts, maybe? T-shirts and jeans with a khaki jacket? C'mon - you've got some room to express your individuality. That comes with being really good at what you do! :)

lopo said...

I'm going to swipe this photo for my own wall. God, how many times in my life I've felt like that! ;)

Juancho said...

No kidding. Most days this applies.