Sunday, May 14, 2006

Ask Big Worm

Feel like the parking brake is on when you're riding? Not sure why cyclists are abandoning gears, brakes, and the right to coast? Didn't understand the ending of the Manchurian Candidate either? No worries, send queries to Juancho at john.phantom309@gmail.com and let Big Worm be your life coach.

Dear Big WormI just finished up a 5 hour epic through sugar sand and have worked up quite an appetite. What do you recommend I eat after such a ride? In addition I may ride later in the week, should I lump in an extra serving on my post ride meal in case I ride again?

Hungry Rider
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Well Hungry Rider,

As a card carrying Clydesdale and a 1/4, if I know nothing else, I know how to eat!

But before the nutrition, what the HELL is wrong with you? I happen to know of a lot of perfectly good trails in your area that would not involve sugar(mmmm sugar) sand!

5 hours? After the first 30 minutes you should get the point and go ride FUN trails, with your friends.

Actually friends shouldn't let friends do 5 hours in sugar(mmmm sugar) sand!

All this talk about sugar leads back to your question. Sustenance! There are several ways to answer this. A true Clydesdale would head to the nearest bakery(or Mr Cupcake's house!) and cure the bad name that sugar sand is giving true sugar.

If a sweet tooth is not your gig, then maybe a cold oat soda would suit your needs. Healthy is not always that high on the list of requirements for a depleted Clydesdale.

The main thing to a Clydesdale, is that they are enjoyable calories. After all, who are we fooling? We aren't going to win the Tour, or The Leadville 100, any time soon. Hell, half of us ride just to get away with eating like our equine namesakes, anyway!

Now if you're more of the genetically gifted, gargantuan calf having, racer types, you'll probably
go the healthy way. Grill up some reduced fat, flavorless chicken. Flavor does have calories, right? Well, usually good flavors do, then some nice bland, I mean steamed, broccoli, and a side of water. Nice clean, efficient calories and hydration all in one quiet, recovery based sitting.

With every bite you'll plot the evil dropping of all the other racer types who dare to go on YOUR training ride. And just to make your point, You'll do it on a single speed! Yeah, a 29er single speed!

Your huge wheels will be powered by your massive calves as they roll over your enemies! Until such time as you meet up with a cupcake eating Clydesdale, who'll more than likely, teach your skinny ass the Law of Gross Tonnage.

Now after you recover from your lesson in applied physics, if you're real nice to that Clydesdale, he'll probably share a cold beer with you. He'll probably even show you good trails, that don't involve thrashing needlessly through sugar sand!

Why? 'Cause BIGWORM says!

4 comments:

Flash said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Flash said...

Sounds like someone has sand in their chamois. I think Big Worm needs a Clydesdale size mug of wheatgrass tea followed by a week long fast. A good cleansing will do wonders for your sugary innards.

sasquatch said...

Mad, crazy respect to Big Worm for his world-according-to-Clydesdale perspective and a love big enough for the waterbugs (who perch twitchily like bulging twigs on their unburdened knobbies).

juancho said...

I say we eat flash.