Friday, February 22, 2008

Book Learnin'



When my friend Chuck asked me if I wanted to go hear "Solomon Rushdie" I hesitated the briefest moment out of literary shame. Not for Chuck's hacking of Mr. Rushdie's name, but because I have never read any of his ahem, "work."

I have tried, believe me. You can't get more than two English Majors together without someone claiming his work to be the sub-continental expression of Marquez. At the least it is known to be provocative and compelling, or whatever. That and a buck fifty gets you a bag of donuts.

Still, a chance to get the lint roller out and clean the cat hair off the black turtleneck sounds like fun, especially with all of this highbrow Northwest weather blowing around. Yeah, I'll ride this weekend-shut it!

So here is what I know about ole Solomon.

He wrote a book that made some Muslims mad. The Ahyatolla Khomeini himself declared a fatwa- or death sentence on his ass. Remember the Ahyatolla? We were really scared of him, but now he seems like Charlie Brown under a ghost sheet compared to Dick Cheney. Mr. Rushdie's book sold like hotcakes at a Kiwanis breakfast. Good for him.

He was briefly married to that gorgeous and classy woman from the reality television show Top Chef. It seems that fatwa business does not hurt a man's chances with the ladies, because he is not a handsome man. Good for him.

We will prepare for this great literary event at the obvious gathering point for the intelligentsia- you know where! Barnacle Bill's on North Monroe.

We will then take our seats in the balcony and begin the chanting of- Sol-o-Mon! Sol-o-Mon!

-Juancho

18 comments:

nicol said...

I can still hear the commercial, in my head, for Barnacle Bill's on North Monroe. It probably hasn't changed much in 9 years.

Sounds like a fun time. Ya gotta have some book learnin' and home trainin' to survive in life!

Ms. Moon said...

I love it when those literary readings get all rowdy. Have at it and have fun! And yeah- has anyone actually read any of those books of his? I haven't. I feel some shame about that, but then again, that is my default mode so no big deal. I think I feel more shame about having never read Proust. I do know about the madeleine so I can pretend that I have.

Anonymous said...

It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one to have cracked one of his books only to give up crushed and demoralized about 100 pages later. At least I got it from the local library instead of paying for the thing.
Dr. D

nicol said...

Ms. Moon and Dr. D-I haven't read any of his books either. But, then again, I am just now reading Marquez' book, One Hundred Years of Solitude. And, that's shameful. :S

And, regarding my blanket statement above about what one needs to survive in life, I retract that. I dislike blanket statements generally.

Anonymous said...

Yep, one of those I set down shortly after starting, probably to my detriment.

I'll keep my solomon on my bagel.

juancho said...

Nicol- I was wondering what home training was anyway. You mean like, "put the seat down?"

nicol said...

Yeah, :) if you didn't put down the toilet seat someone might comment, "You got no home trainin'!" Also, reflections of good home trainin' would be: not sassin' your mama, eating your greens, brushing your teeth, minding your own business, and the list goes on. You know, I hadn't ever heard the term, "home trainin'" until I moved to Tally. It just stuck with me. I liked it. You've never heard that before?

juancho said...

I guess not. I got the trainin' though, at least some of it stuck.

nicol said...

Using a lint roller to get the kitty hair off your favorite dark turtleneck is definitely a sign of some home trainin'.

juancho said...

That's just literary largesse. I have no black turtleneck, nor a lint roller. Don't tell anyone, I'm trying to weave a spell here...I'm probably going to wear a wrinkled guayabera and Docs.

Anonymous said...

I remember my excitement on finally getting ahold of Satanic Verses...thinking it might be some strange hybrid between the Necronomicon and the Anarchists Cookbook. sigh..yep, I bet I didn't even make it to that 100 page mark. borrrring.

Wouldn't that be fun though:
mash together a terrorist's training handbook and a conspiratorial religious underworld.

It could be one in a series of MTB training manuals....Jihad Racing...boom!

nicol said...

Phew! Now, after re-reading the "turtleneck paragraph," I get your sentiment. But, not really owning a lint roller? Never heard of such a thing! :)

juancho said...

Everything I own is Mohair.

nicol said...

OK, that explains it then.

hitops said...

It's a rout! I couldn't get past p.100 in "The Verses" either. Still, maybe the fatwa was a little harsh. I did read "John Dollar" by Solom's ex (same one as on Top Chef?). I hope the producers of Lost are paying royalties to that woman.

Did you say you're riding this weekend, J? Sign me up for Munson and Twilight after the rain stops.

LoPo said...

Oh, I sat here doubled over in shame that I'd never taught Juancho to use a lint roller -- then I remembered that at the beach, we had SAND, not lint! Whew! Off the hook! Especially since I bought him his first bikes! :)

nicol said...

Haha! :) All in good fun...

Agreed. Lint rollers, sand and mohair would be a bad combination.

Ms. Moon said...

Duct tape makes an excellent lint roller substitute. My favorite use for duct tape, however, is the catching and trapping of fleas with it.